This article is part of a series exploring Vita’s 7 Pillars. Today’s theme reflects Pillar 4: INFUSE YOUR LOVE – Love Of Self. You can read about Pillar 3: INFUSE YOUR SOUL – Reflect, Release, & Recharge here.
You are a loving being. You are loved. You are love.
The most important act of loving yourself is talking to yourself lovingly, speak to yourself as you would to your very best friend. Allow the words to be filled with kindness and compassion, and enthusiasm for a job well done! Be your own cheerleader and supporter.
Unfortunately, we rarely do that. We have a hard time standing in front of a mirror and saying “I’m beautiful.” We have a habit of focusing on the tiniest flaws and are overly harsh to ourselves. We talk to ourselves as if we are talking to our worst enemy. We do the opposite of love ourselves – we criticize and sometimes go so far as to use the word “hate” to ourselves.
“I do not need to wait until I become perfect before I love myself. Loving myself is the quickest way to create a wonderful life.”
Nothing causes more emotional distress than the negative thoughts we think. I call them your Victim Voice. And though we sometimes have to allow the ego it’s drama, we also must be better than we usually are at identifying the thoughts that don’t serve us and choosing more useful thoughts to become your Hero Voice. Only you can do that inner work and get a grip on your own mind; if you don’t, you will live in distress. Learn your triggers and know the thought process that is weighing you down.
RELEASE YOUR VICTIM VOICE
When I started my path to awarenesses, I realized that my Victim Voice always appeared and showed me the worst case scenario; it is the very worst inner critic. I now first acknowledge my Victim Voice and later see if I can turn it into a Hero Voice.
As you begin to make the shift from a Victim Voice to a Hero Voice, you may find it’s a bit challenging at first. You may catch yourself saying “I don’t know how to do this, this is too hard.” This is your Victim Voice taking over. Invite your Hero Voice and instead say “I don’t know how to do this yet, but I can’t wait to figure it out! I’ve got this!”. Another Hero Voice might say, ” This is not as hard as it seems right now. This will get easier.”
Here are few more examples of your Victim Voice and how you can instead approach it using your Hero Voice:
Victim Voice (V): Life is hard and hopeless.
Hero Voice (H): Life is precious with all challenges and there are no throwaway moments.
V: You owe me.
H: I owe it to myself to never stop fighting for what I deserve.
V: People are selfish.
H: My outer world is a reflection of my inner self. I take responsibility for my own actions.
V: You don’t make me happy.
H: My happiness can only be sourced within.
V: I’m such an idiot.
H: Like everyone else, I’m evolving at my own pace.
Thinking positive and uplifting thoughts raises your vibration. Our thoughts and feelings determine the frequency at which we vibrate, and our vibration goes out into the world and attracts to us energy moving at a similar frequency. This is one of the ways that we create our own reality, which is why we can cause a positive shift in our lives by raising our vibration.
“So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.”Jorge Luis Borges
We all know someone we think of as vibrant. Vibrant literally means “vibrating very rapidly.” The people who strike us as vibrant are vibrating at a high frequency, and they inspire us as we work to raise our vibration. On the other hand, we also know people that are very negative or cynical. These people are vibrating at a lower frequency. They may also serve as an inspiration as they show us where we don’t want to be vibrating and why.
To discover where you are in terms of vibrancy, consider where you fall on a scale between the most pessimistic person you know and the most vibrant optimistic person you know. This is not an exercise to pass judgment on these people, but rather it is important to know where you are as you begin working to raise your frequency so that you notice and appreciate your progress.
Action Item: There are many ways to start thinking more positively and raise your vibration, from working with affirmations to visualizing. Try simple affirmations like: “I’m beautiful.” “I’m smart.” “I’m a leader.”
If you don’t know HOW to love yourself, you just need to remember to love. One of the most practical ways to raise your vibration is to consciously choose where you focus your attention. To understand how powerful this is, take five minutes to describe something you love unreservedly – a person, a movie, an experience. When your five minutes are up, you will noticeably feel more positive and even lighter. If you want to keep raising your vibration, you might want to commit to spending five minutes every day focusing on the good in your life. As you do this, you will train yourself to be more awake and alive. Over time, you will experience a permanent shift in your vibrancy.
Turning your inner critic Victim Voice into your Hero Voice is just one way to raise your vibrations. These are other self-love acts that I recommend looking into:
- Listen to your intuition: Balance is the key; trust your inner voice to find it.
- Be rather authentic than polite: Express yourself, speak your truth, stop worrying what others say.
- Set boundaries: Use a negative emotion like anger or disgust to your advantage, say something like “I’ve had it. Enough is enough,” which can have a very positive outcome.
- Say no when you mean it: How often do you give your power away?
- Say yes to awareness, growth, and expansion: How often are you playing small?
- In doubt, meditate: Release guilt & shame that block you from being who you came to be.
The more you love yourself, the more you will get comfortable going for your dreams, saying yes and no when you mean it, setting other strong boundaries. You will love your body as is and you stop reaching for impossible perfection. You’ll stop living to please others and you’ll start living your own life.
In hard times you will be more relaxed looking at your imperfections that every single other person also has. You’ll start to welcome challenges and you won’t avoid failure. You’ll see them as opportunities to grow. You’ll remember, you are now facing only what you’re ready for. You’ve got this!
I use this mantra as self-love reminder: “Even though (fill in blank your imperfection, something that you want to change, for example “I smoke”), I deeply love and accept myself.”
Mantra: I’m Able to let love lead me.
There is no reason to be hard on yourself. Release your expectations for perfection. Be compassionate and accepting of who you are right now. Healing means to make whole and to accept all parts of yourself – not just the parts you like, but all of you. Fill your life with love by talking to yourself with care and compassion.
Action Item: Fill your life with love and release your expectations for perfection.